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A cold, self-important answer that leaves you with the feeling that they are somewhat proud of themselves for standing their ground and keepig their boundaries. Self-righteous, actually.

Like a client of mine, who reached out to her former coach, enthusiastically showing her what she had created after learning from that coach. She got a cold shoulder. An answer that was so stingy that she was left completely shocked!

And if you’ve ever been on the receiving end of that, you know it’s not the decline itself that stings. It’s the tone, the words, the way your excitement gets handled like an interruption to their greatness.

Because what that kind of response really says is: “I heard you, and I chose to shut you down. I saw your trust and vulnerability, and I made it about me. You brought something personal, and I treated it like a disruption.”

Honestly? It doesn’t come across as strength and leadership. Mature, present, generous people don’t respond like that.

Yes, boundaries are real. However, so is dignity.

You don’t have to love everything people share with you. You don’t have to read every caption, watch every video, or engage deeply with every invitation, project, or offering that lands in your inbox. You get to have boundaries. You get to have preferences. You even get to say no.

But as I’ve grown older, have more patience and more insight in other peoples’ reactions, I’ve come to this: There is a line, and it’s not subtle. It’s about respect, acknowledgement, and patience with other people. And generosity.

A boundary sounds like: “Thank you for sharing. I’ll try til make time to look at it, but since we don’t work together anymore, I may not be able to go in depth in my answer. Well done, though!”

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A door in the face sounds like: “Here is my worldview, my standards, my superior discernment, but good luck with your project! (comes across as: “And here’s why sharing this with me is wrong.”

The first answer protects your energy.
The other one is just stomping on someone to make yourself look superior.

I want to say this directly, because it matters:

When someone shares something personal, especially if it’s new, especially if it comes after a hard season (which you probably know nothing about!), they are sending you their trust in you, and a hope that their effort means something, and is acknowledged by you.

Even when the message looks casual, there’s often a quiet question underneath it: - -

• Can I approach her here without being punished for it?

• Can I share this without feeling small?

Some people have a habit of turning every interaction into a declaration of identity. And oh, yes! It IS a declaration of identity, just not the declaration you thought you were giving.

Now, I have seen coaches say things in the lines of: “She thinks I’ll let her be a free-rider, or what makes her think she can get stuff from me for free?”

So when someone reaches out, and instead of meeting the moment with simple warmth, the responder launches into what they stand for, what they reject, what they no longer have capacity for, and why their position is so very clear. They usually also add something along the lines of “You and I obviously see things differently!” The exchange isn’t about the person who reached out anymore. It’s about the responder and their “branding statement”.

Please….

If someone has been a client, a student, a customer, a community member… if trust has existed, your words carry more weight than you probably think. Your rejection feels harder to take. Your dismissal cuts deep. And yes, it does leave a mark.

It leaves a mark even with tough people; it’s really not about being fragile.

You might think you’re “just being clear.”

But what the other person often feels is something else entirely. They feel the coldness. And people do remember. Not necessarily the words, but they do remember how you made them feel.

They remember whether your values made you kinder, or if your “clarity” came with an attitude problem.

However.. Dignity matters.

When someone comes toward you openly, and you answer in a way that makes them feel smaller, you have done more than express an opinion. You’ve failed in communication, you failed a relational test.

What makes this worse is that people often call this authenticity.

They act as though being blunt, or even rude, is automatically bravely standing your ground. But authenticity is not a free pass to behave without kindness and grace.

Sometimes what’s named as ‘authentic’ is just a lack of generosity disguised as branding. And I’ll add this, because it’s part of how I see the world.

Kindness comes from within.
Which means how you respond when nobody is applauding you, is the real measure.

Remember:
You can be honest and still be kind.
You can be clear and still be decent.

You can decline without delivering a full manifesto.

If someone has trusted you, paid you, learned from you, or been part of your world in any way, then the standard is higher. Professional relationships do not cancel basic decency. If anything, they demand more of it.

So no, you do not have to love everything people create. You do not have to engage with everything they send. In fact, sometimes a thumb up goes a long way, and can feel a lot better than a blunt or rude answer.

And if all you can offer is a brief response, let it come from a place that doesn’t make someone regret reaching out.

And in the end, your response says far more about you than about whatever it was they shared.

When all this is said, I am with a coach now that is truly amazing. answersinside the community when she instinctively KNOWS an answer would make a huge difference - even if the answer isn’t necessary about something practical. I learn something new all the time. It’s Christmas day EVERY day, and the Christmas tree is one of the tribal emojis 🎄 I’d like to share her generosity with you. Come to her masterclass with me ❤️ We’ll have 5 full days of lerning, and you get access to that amazing community! The link to join is here. https://www.igniteherbrand.com/neweracoach/

And upfront: get the VIP experience while you sign up, because I can promise you that you will get life-changing content for only $47. Join us here, and learn from the BESTin Human Design and Business (combined).

No wonder this can feel alienating. The women speaking about this new cycle are often in their early 50s. And while I think they are wise and have important things to say, the distance between early 50s and mid-60s is real. It shapes how life feels, what matters, and how we make sense of this stage.

We don’t speak, feel or think like them - and many of us don’t even act like them. So now what?

For one thing, we need a language for what is actually happening to us.

Many women in this part of life feel the same way as me; that something is shifting significantly. But when we hear women in midlife speak about that shift, it often feels like they we already lived much of it, and we need something else. A new language for how we feel and think.

In Human Design, we have cycles that describe the transitions we move through in life, through our 40s, 50s and beyond. In midlife, the cycle connected to our 50s, Chiron, is often seen as the most profound one, and the theory is that it does not simply pass and end. We keep it as a layer on top of our natal design. We speak about wisdom, healing, maturation and legacy. I get that.

Personally, though, when I read my Chiron chart, I can see that I lived so much of it without even knowing what Human Design was. That is what fascinates me. I can see how life added an important layer to me before I had any language for it. From the age of 49 until now, at 65, I have lived my Chiron deeply and learned so much through it. The strangest and most amazing part is, looking back I can clearly see that the shift really did happen when that cycle began.

Now, though, I need more. I want to learn something else. I have felt the new shift for a few years, and I want to understand the possibilities that lie in this cycle: my 60s. The transition has already happened, and I am more than ready to meet it consciously.

Why am I so eager to do that?

Nothing else quite captures the reality of being a woman who has already been through the fire, who has already carried her share, and who is now somehow expected to step down, pull back and retire. The truth is, I never thought that way when I was 50. Back then, I felt ready to begin again. I felt young, strong, adventurous and free. I quit my corporate job, purchased a one-way-ticket to the US, bought a car and drove out into the desert alone for three months. After that, I went to Encinitas and started my business, “Coffee&Coaching on The Beach”. I wasn’t thinking too much about the future.

That feeling of freedom is what still feels so alive to me now. I can feel a strong pulse of life, work, meaning and voice moving through me. This is not just an interesting framework to think about. For many women, it describes something they have been carrying, questioning and trying to understand for a very long time.

As I am studying Human Design, Chiron is interesting, but what really lights a fire in me at this stage in life is Second Saturn Return.

And just to be clear, I do understand that Chiron is something we live with for the rest of our lives. However, the lessons do not keep repeating once they are truly learned and the high vibe has been integrated. Chiron, in that sense, becomes the living of those lessons from there on. I’ve worked with many coaches who love to point at the shadow traits. I strongly believe in developing the strengths - and for that we do need the challenges. But not to dwell by, but to utilize the strengths and understand them.

So now, with the wisdom, the memory and the insight from Chiron already in the body, it is time for us “Second Saturn Returners” to take it further.

We can hold onto midlife, or we can accept the evolution into elderhood. And I want to rescue that word, because elderhood has been flattened into something far too passive. This is where Second Saturn Return becomes so interesting to me. We are not stepping back, becoming quieter, making peace with less, and gracefully accepting the edges of life.

That is not how this feels to me at all. It feels like a rise in voice, authority, clarity and relevance.

When I turned 60, the feeling of what matters and what doesn’t became so much stronger. I could feel a new voice ringing through. An urge to stop trying to be smart, if that makes sense. There was a new kind of drive pushing from the inside out, a need to come out and say it as I see it. A feeling that if anybody called me opinionated or too much, I would only see it as a compliment, not critique.

And that voice? It is female, strong, bold, and carries authority because the authenticity and integrity it springs from is no longer hidden behind the need to be polite or please anyone. There is substance behind what we say, and we are not here to play small any longer.

We ARE the Voices of A New Era.

So much of the language around age gets this wrong. The narrative says a woman’s power peaks earlier, and that later life is mainly about reflection and retreat. I don’t buy that for a second.

What I see are women who are no longer interested in spending precious energy on politeness when what they really want is integrity. I see older women whose voices carry more weight and sound louder than ever, even when they whisper, because life has tested them, stretched them, corrected them and taught them.

If you feel the same way, you already have a whole body of text inside you, ready to be sharpened into the important message you are longing to speak out loud.

Experience and authority do not sound the same as a voice still trying to prove itself. They have more depth and more edge. By 60, many of us are far less interested in pleasing just to make it easier for everyone else to hear what we have to say. We’re done being vanilla. We’re ready to be valued!

This is what lights me up about Second Saturn Return.
This is why I say we are The Voices of A New Era.

We are clear. Our voices have substance, range and authority.
And the world needs us!

My client looked at me. She wasn’t laughing or smiling or trying to take the edge off her words. She knew that wasn’t necessary. She knew I wasn’t offended. She knew, that I knew, that she was speaking a fact.

And you know what?
YOU should bring your quirks too! Bring your visions, your wisdom, your insights and your creativity. Bring your Thought Ledership.

Thought leadership isn’t picking up an old thought and then saying against it. And it It isn’t echoing what has already been said in slightly different words.

It’s the moment you stop trying to sound like you belong, and start speaking like you speak.

We’re trained to believe that being taken seriously requires a certain kind of voice. A certain kind of way. A certain kind of “professional.” And if you’ve ever been the quirky one, the one who sees the angle nobody else is naming, you learned early that your natural way of speaking can make people blink a little too hard.

So you adjust. You smooth it out and make it “edible”. You translate yourself into a version that won’t raise eyebrows in the room. You have a whole room nodding, but what you say no longer changes anything.

And then you wonder why your message feels like oatmeal. You wonder why people say, “This is so good,” or “This is SO inspiring!” and then do nothing.

Here’s the thing. Your quirks aren’t flaws like you’ve been led to believe. They are often the evidence that you are wired to perceive differently. And perception is where Thought Leadership begins.

Thought Leadership isn’t a marketing trick or a content strategy. It isn’t a personality trait you sprinkle on top of your business when you’re ready to “position” yourself.

Thought leadership is the willingness to name what you see, even when it’s not the popular way to see it. It’s the courage to offer a new idea, a new frame, a new interpretation.

And if you’re wondering why your quirkiness matters here, it’s because the people who move culture are rarely the ones who fit in. They are usually the ones who are slightly too honest, slightly too intense, slightly too early with what they notice.

That’s the point.

The world doesn’t need more people repeating the same advice in different frames. It needs people who can say, “Wait. Whaat?” People who can feel the missing piece and are brave enough to put their voice to it.

That’s what my client was recognizing in me. She wasn’t saying, “You’re weird” as in awkward. She was saying, “You’’re speaking a language I want to learn.”

Here’s the thing about Thought Leadership

You ARE different. You SEE different, you SPEAK different.

If you’ve been the weird one, the outsider, the loner, the one that went your own ways, you’re here to stand out, to lead and do wo with your differentiated way of seeing things.

You’re not here to coat your work in neutral language so it will pass the widest possible audience test. You’re letting your mind be your mind, and your voice be your voice, and your perspective be sharp enough to actually land with the community that needs YOUR voice, YOUR opinions.

The clients who are meant for you need you to be clear.

An edgy message has a point of view and makes the RIGHT people lean in. The rest will probably scroll past, and that’s okay.

If you’re a visionary, act like it. Visionaries don’t wait for consensus. They don’t wait for the industry to approve the language first. They put words to what’s emerging before other people even realize it’s there.

It does come with a cost. You WILL speak to crickets for a while before the right audience hears you. Your audience won’t be huge, at least not to begin. Some poeple may not like you. Please don’t let that make you play safe.

The right audience is looking for the one that makes them feel seen, and called forward, and slightly braver than they were before they found you.

So… you?
Are you the quirky one? The edgy one? The one who sees what other people do not?
If you are, what is the truth you’re ready to say as you see it?

The Voice of A New Era isn’t just one thing. It’s a foundation for my Thought Leadership - or one of them. Because, real thought leadership isn’t picking up a thought and following it. Real thought leadership is about being visionary, coming up with new ideas or new views on old things. It’s about innovation, and a new way of seeing and interpreting things.

To say it as I see it, means NEW, NEW, NEW!
and yes, thought leadership is saying it as you see it

I was never one of the cool kids. I was different. Most of the kids around me had brown hair, brown or blue eyes, and were average built.I was fair haired, had (and have) shifting eye color. I was slender, actually quite skinny. And that was what people could see.

Inside of me, I was stubborn, opinionated, I could see things other people could not. I called it out too. Some of my friends were slightly scared of me, because they felt I could see right through them. I learned early not to be too much in eye contact with people. It made them feel really uncomfortable.

So I stood out, and not always in a way that felt comfortable

Later in life, I got to know people who were much like me: weird, quirky, different. Who see things other people do not, who struggle with suppressing the need to address it.

Learning Human Design has meant a lot to me.
One of the most important learning points to me was the concept of invitation.

I was told that as a Projector, I’m supposed to wait for the invitation. However, there are also many traits in Human Design that are projected/invited, so Generator, Manifesting generators, Manifestors and Reflectors also have to sometimes wait for the invitation.

This puzzled me tremendously.
Wait for the invitation? Just sit there?? Do nothing? That could not be right!

It dawned on me in a group session I had. When a client asked me a question on how to do somehting she was stuck on. I started to answer, when she interrupted me and said: “Yes, yes! That’s exactly what I’m doing!” That’s when I really understood what that invitation is all about.

We’re not waiting for a verbal invitation. We’re listening for the energetic invitation.

So if you’re a Projector out there waiting, go and do something. Be visible. Speak your mind. Show people what you’re good at. Get known for something.

And remember: the invitation is energetical. Not (necessarily) verbal.

How about you?
Are you the quirky one? “The black sheep?” The kid nobody understood?

For most of my life, my voice has been strong, clear, and often ahead of the room. I have been the maverick, the rebel challenger, the one who names what others avoid. That part of me is real, and it has served me well.

However, lately, it has been softening.

It hasn’t disappeared. I strongly believe that everybody owns their own truth, no matter what. That conviction is still very much alive in me. What’s changing is the edge around it. The hard line. The need to push. That grip is loosening.

What’s emerging instead feels quieter, more spacious, and more rooted in my inner authority. It’s less about making a point, and more about noticing what is already true. Less force, more timing.

I’m learning that authority doesn’t need volume to be felt. That guidance can be gentle and still precise. That clarity often arrives when I stop chasing it.

This Substack is a place for that kind of noticing.

I won’t try to prove something here. I won’t try to package my insights into something provoking or shocking, the way I probably would have before. At the same time, I will absolutely write in a way you may find useful, not because I’m trying to be helpful, but because lived insight tends to be.

I’m in a season of shedding identities that once felt essential. So my efforts will come from alignment rather than hustle. My voice will come from confidence and inner knowing, rather than disruption and a feeling of the need to fight.

I’m also in a season of remembering. Self-trust. Inner authority. Being present.

This space is for thoughts and for talking about feelings for now. My new language is still forming. My ideas will be being tested gently, from the inside out.

Truth is huge for me.

I once lived by the pacific, and I thought that having a guitar so I can could sit on the beach and make music was a wonderful idea. So I went out to get a guitar at the thrift store. Long story short, I did not find that guitar, but I did come bck with a tattoo in my neck that read: Shin Jitsu, which means MY truth and THE Truth!

So… I’ll write when something feels true.
I’ll pause when it doesn’t.

That’s the only promise I’m making for now - and then we’ll see.

Jami